Argylle: The Spy Who Disappointed Me

Argylle: The Spy Who Disappointed Me

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If I could describe Argylle in one sentence it would be: a movie that focuses too much on creating plot twists, it forgot to tell a good story. And if I could describe Argylle in one word it would be: bad.

It’s bad. Here’s why.

The Greater The Spy, The Bigger The Lie

Argylle: The Spy Who Disappointed Me

‘The greater the spy, the bigger the lie’ is the motto of the movie. Unbeknownst to us, the one that has been lied to all along is us.

In the trailer, posters, and other promotional content, huge stars such as Henry Cavill, Dua Lipa, and John Cena have been heavily marketed, implying that they are the main cast. It turns out these characters are barely in the movie. They are not even real characters, they are imaginary characters that only exist in the mind of Elly, the main character.

So, if you’re a fan of Henry Cavill, Dua Lipa or John Cena, you will be disappointed. 

Unnecessarily Complex Twists

Argylle: The Spy Who Disappointed Me
Just an over-convoluted plot

Yeah, our favorite stars are not in it but at least the story is good enough to compensate for it, right? No. Not even the slightest. It focuses too much on creating multiple plot twists, it forgets to tell a good story.

In fact, the movie was actually fun and entertaining to watch until the plot twists were discovered. After the first plot twist is revealed, you will realize that it was nonsensical. And after the second, the third, the fourth plot twist is revealed you relive the same realization that the plot doesn’t make any sense anymore.

For every plot twist, you will notice that the villains could have achieved victory had they done anything slightly smarter.  It was as if the characters intentionally made stupid and overcomplicated decisions just so they could tell the plot twists. The twists are so forced and feel disturbingly unnatural. 

The writers of this movie must have thought that just the mere presence of plot twists that come out of nowhere would make the movie surprising and shockingly awesome. But instead of saying, ‘oh yeah… how did I miss that!’, the audience actually said, ‘What…? Why…?’

Is It At Least Funny Tho’?

Argylle: The Spy Who Disappointed Me
Disney Channel ahh joke

Yeah, but it’s just a silly little movie and you’re supposed to just have some good laughs, right? Unfortunately, no. The movie is painfully unfunny. Argylle is like a 2005 low-budget Disney movie. The jokes are outdated and repetitive, especially the ‘twist and stomp’ joke. It’s not even funny the first time we hear it, and yet they keep repeating the joke. 

Argylle: The Spy Who Disappointed Me
Hi, I’m Dua Lipa and you’re watching Disney Channel

In the climactic part of the movie, there is this scene where Elly and Aidan are launching colourful smoke grenades and shooting the bad guys in the hallway of an evil lair… while dancing.

The dance moves were so stiff and horrendously choreographed. I mean it when I say the scene was painfully cringe to look at. As I was watching this scene, I cringed so hard that my soul ascended to a higher plane… reliving my past lives… searching for a moment where I had witnessed any scene cringier than this. The answer is no. It is the most cringe scene I’ve ever seen.

Conclusion

Argylle: The Spy Who Disappointed Me
Literally me after typing this article

Judging the movie’s false marketing, over-convoluted plot, unfunny jokes, and unnecessarily long runtime, it is even considered generous to rate this movie as 1 out of 10. 

Author

  • Muzhameer Putra

    Student by day, writer by night. If it's cinematic, I'll get it right. I'm a big fan of superheroes, cinemas, science, and history. But most of all, I just love good stories.

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